"But I've Upset You"

Not long ago, I called various companies in a city known for high-stress lifestyles. In two cases, I got yelled at. Now. You're probably wondering what I said to elicit this response. You tell me!

My first question had to do with shrink-wrapping furniture. My second went something like, "I'd like help moving a large piece of furniture from a UPS truck down a flight of stairs."

In the first case, the man at the other end of the phone began shouting about problems inherent in shrink-wrapping furniture. As he did, I thought, What can I say? "Why are you yelling"? That didn't seem right. The man probably wasn't aware he was doing so. "Do you know that you're shouting?" might have sounded condescending. Then, I had it: "I'm afraid I've upset you," I said. Of course, he denied this was true, and softened his tone.

Next time, I was prepared. It was obvious, in that case, why the man was shouting: I had chosen a national freight hauler over his local moving company. I had important reasons for having done so, but he couldn't have known this. Again, I said, "I think I've upset you," and, again, my conversational partner quieted down.

Criticizing another person's behavior almost always puts him on the defensive. But when you criticize your own, others rush to defend you!

The world, of course, would not have ended had I just allowed these guys to holler. But why accept poor treatment, even for a few moments, if you have a choice? I didn't insult or attack them. I simply let them know, subtly, that I would rather be spoken to quietly. Do try this at home!